The World is Full of Steak Eggs

I recently succumbed to the smartphone epidemic.  I can't say that I'm all that attached to my phone, having no business to attend to on it, but I do enjoy the talk-to-text feature.  I try to enunciate as best I can, but sometimes the phone just decides to go a different direction entirely.  For instance, while texting with my friend about the events of The Robbery, I said to the talk-to-text feature that "the world is full of pigs."  My phone translated it as "the world is full of steak eggs."  I really don't know why that strikes me as utterly hilarious, but there you have it:  a brand new euphemism for "pigs."  Perhaps the world doesn't need one, but there's one nonetheless.  

As you know, and are no doubt already sick of hearing, my flowers were stolen.  It turns out, however, that that was not the only bizarre thing to happen in my world yesterday.  I really do believe that there was a nuclear leak somewhere around here that caused people to do strange things.  Allow me to present you some evidence.

1.  My best friend's boyfriend sent her a text while she was at work yesterday. Their little dog was going crazy barking, and what did he discover but a total stranger on his porch.  Not so strange, you say?  This particular man was passed out.  Face down.  Drunk.  He had a can of beer with him.  Ah, I see you deciding that this is, indeed, a bizarre thing to find on your porch.  It's truly a mystery why he was there or where he went after he left.  Did I mention this was about 1 in the afternoon?  It's very sad when people can't handle day drinking.  

2.  As for where this man might have gone, there's one plausible, although improbable, answer, which I present as my second piece of evidence.  Another friend of mine told me this story:

Her supervisor at work drives a VW Westfalia Camper.  He came out after work to discover that someone had made himself quite at home unbeknownst to the owner.  I say "himself" because I'm picturing the guy from the first story also being the culprit in this one.  He had slept in the bed, peed in a trash can, left cigarette ashes in the dog's dish, left a plastic bag of wine which he apparently drank out of a coffee cup, and used the poor man's electric shaver!  I understand that the VW Westfalia Camper has a certain appeal to the, shall I say, transients of the world, but to use another man's shaver and muck up his dog dish with ashes?  That seems to be against the peace-loving code of the VW community.  

So, I ask you.  Did a cloud of toxic nastiness infect the Pacific Northwest, causing people to turn into wretched steak eggs?  I believe something is amiss, and I'm sticking with that.